and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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