This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
