She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i came on her dog
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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