I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
