You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
