This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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