i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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