he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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