id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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