How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize