I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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