Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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