Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We named our party play list daddy issues
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My butt remains clenched, sir.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
