Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
