Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
