wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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