We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
