I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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