Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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