Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
