I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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