God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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