I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
