i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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