how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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