thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
