My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
