yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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