i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
