I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I deserve this hangover.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
