Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
