The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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