Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I love you.
Bad choice
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