Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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