You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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