my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
