Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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