I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
