Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
