Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
