I accidentally burped into my bong.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
