We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
