The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
