More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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