mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
