when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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