my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
