we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
