Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
