Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
