he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
