Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
