I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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