Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
