Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
