No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Enjoy the penises
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
