Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
