Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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