all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
