He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
