can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
