Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
