Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
